White Men Rule

I have been a white male all my life and to tell you the truth, I have found it to be a pretty sweet deal. If you doubt me and would like to see a demonstration of just how sweet it is to be a white guy in modern day America – just come with me and stand in the visitor’s gallery of the U.S. Senate sometime when they are all gathered for a vote and look down upon that fleshy sea of men. Of the 100 members of the U.S. Senate, just 17 are women. And in the entire history of our country, only six African American have served in the Senate. White men rule.

It’s the same in the U.S. House of Representatives, where women make up just 17 percent of the current membership. It’s the men who rule.

In the 220 year history of the Supreme Court, only four women justices have ever served. And three of those women are on the court right now. In the entire history of the nation, there have only been two African American Justices. So half of all the African Americans who have ever served are on the court right now: Clarence Thomas. Again, white men rule.

Of the Fortune 500 companies in 2011, just 12 of America’s biggest companies were run by women. And there are currently just eight African American CEOs. You guessed it: White men rule.

Wherever you look and by almost any metric, any statistic, it works out to be a pretty sweet deal to start out life as a white male. And if I ever become deranged and suddenly start to kill all of the people who annoy me on Facebook with a potato peeler, I have the comfort of knowing I will stand a lower chance of being executed for my crimes just because I am white. If you’ve seen Facebook these days, you know what a relief that can be.

So I cannot, for the life of me, understand why so many white men like me can be found whining about how tough it is to be a white man. It’s a mystery to me how they came to feel so beset on every side by feminists, minorities, and “the system.” When in fact, the system is so stacked in our favor, it’s almost embarrassing. It’s like our mothers set up the world for us. For white men, life is almost like T-ball. We are almost guaranteed to get on base. But lately, some of us seem to be having issues with self-esteem.

So it’s especially strange to see white men like Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and various “Men’s Rights” groups complaining bitterly about the re-authorization of the Violence Against Women Act, which may come up for a vote this week. Grassley and the far right don’t want to see it pass in its current form because it extends some of its protections to LGBT victims, Native American victims, and some illegal immigrants. Because of what? Because it should be OK to brutalize them?

For the first time since the law was passed, it has become politicized. And in a move to make up for voting for the awful anti-women Blunt amendment, Senator Scott Brown says he’s for it.

The passage of the bill has also been muddied by — well — mud. Stuff crazy people make up and throw out there to make it seem like it’s somehow a radical or controversial idea to try to stop people from beating up women. The Southern Poverty Law Center, which, among other things, tracks hate groups, has now started paying attention to some “Men’s Rights” groups that seem to just flat-out hate women. One of the things these groups like to do is generate baloney statistics about how men are the “real victims” of domestic violence.

I know this sounds a little crazy. But just take a look on the web. Watch this YouTube clip from some guy who looks kind of normal and then he goes on about how feminism is a form of stealth genocide and how feminism and the courts have criminalized fatherhood. He claims that the system is ready to put most men in jail. But for people in the lower class who don’t really care — because they spend most of their time there anyway — so it’s like a second home to them. If this doesn’t seem crazy to you, I suggest you seek professional help.

In a piece titled Men’s Rights Movement Spreads False Claims about Women the SPLC points out that a 2005 Department of Justice study also found that between 1998 and 2002, 84 percent of spousal abuse victims were female, as were 86 percent of victims of abuse at the hands of a dating partner. Males made up 83 percent of all spouse murderers and 75 percent of dating partner murderers. If you really really don’t want to get beat up, killed, or thrown in jail, my suggestion to you would be to become a white male

These men’s rights groups also, I am told, hate relatively normal men like me who generally find women to be good company. They call us “Manginas.” Cool. I think I may just get a button with that on it.