Spruce Up Any Room With a Coffin Table

Looking to spruce up your home decor this spring? Does nothing make you feel more alive than a close brush with death? Well, has Craigslist has an item for you. It’s guaranteed to make any room your in just a little more aware of it’s mortality. There might be no better product to spruce of grandmother’s powder room. Observe, the coffin coffee table:

coffin table

1800 hundred antique wicker coffin which has been used as a coffee table. Makes great conversation at dinner parties.

I’d like to imagine the types of conversations that this would start.

Visitor: Hey, uh, nice coffee table.
Coffin owner: Thanks, it’s actually a coffin!
Visitor: A coffin, huh. What, uh, is there anyone in there?
Coffin owner: Well, not yet. I got it to start conversations mostly.
Visitor: I see.
Coffin owner: Like, for instance, did you know that people have been burying other people in coffins since, well, since a very long time ago!?
Visitor (edging toward door): Oh, yeah? Well, um, tell me more.
Coffin owner: I’m glad you asked. This particular coffin is made of wicker, so you know it was probably owned by poor people. The very types of people who might re-use such a specimen as this one for multiple burials.
Visitor: I see. So you’re saying this coffin has been exhumed?
Coffin owner: No, it’s not that really, well, I just don’t know! LOL.
Visitor: Right. This is such an interesting topic. In fact, I’m a bit of a coffin connoisseur myself. I have a book on antique coffins right out in the Prius. Let me just go grab it.
Coffin owner: Oh really, great!
Coffin owner (aside): I knew this would help me gain friends.
(The sound of screeching tires [ed note: Is that even possible in a Prius?])
Coffin owner: Oh why am I so lonely?