The Best Swearers in Middleborough? Maybe on Earth?

This man’s suit disqualifies him from being featured in the video. (Photo via iStockPhoto.)

As you no doubt know by now, Middleborough has instituted a $20 fine for anyone caught swearing in public. The decision has gotten attention far and wide (G’day Australia! ‘Allo Britain! And, uhm, peace be with you, Christians!). By far my favorite piece of media produced on this little shitstorm (what, did you think I was going to write about this without gratuitously swearing? I think there’s a rule that you have to gratuitously swear when you write about this), was the video the Globe produced for its website today, to accompany this story. In it, Bill Greene, who’s credited for making the video, pretty much finds what I can only imagine he figured were the most likely people on earth to swear.

First up is the girl with the lip piercing and comically giant hoop earrings (so you know she must be sassy). And then, there’s a guy with his entire face and neck covered in tattoos. Do they even have people with their entire faces and necks covered in tattoos in Middleborough? I’m pretty sure this guy just came to visit for the day, and explicitly to swear. So how do you top that? How about with a white dude with dreads wearing an energy drink T-shirt and sitting in a convertible and rubbing his face even though I assume that, because he’s driving, he is most definitely, certainly not high. You have got to be kidding me. It boggles the mind that these people not only all existed, but were congregated in the same place in Middleborough. And we haven’t even gotten to the straight from central casting schoolmarm named Mary Ann Cunningham (of course), who’s had it up to here with these darn kids and their cussing.

Really, this video has left me speechless, other than to say, well, you know, shit.