Several Lobsters Were Harmed in the Making of This Roll

Pauli's introduces the 'U.S.S. Lobstitution,' a giant lobster roll.

Pauli’s, a sandwich shop in the North End, has added a new item to their menu: the U.S.S. Lobstitution, a lobster roll whose 24 ounces of meat make it the largest in New England, they claim. (They’re probably discounting this one, which is not for sale.) Yes, for just $49.99 you can have a lobster roll the size of an historical 19th century frigate.

Okay, so it is not the size of the U.S.S. Constitution, the historical naval ship docked in Charlestown Navy Yard for which it’s named. But it probably took like half a dozen lobsters to yield that much meat.

“We have become known for our lobster rolls and have had people come in and order multiples. We thought, let’s make this bigger and better. Let’s show them how it’s really done in Boston. I haven’t seen anything else like this in New England,” Pauli’s owner Paul Barker said in a press release.

Not to nitpick, but … you cannot show people how it’s done in Boston by doing something no one else is doing in New England, a region that contains Boston. You’re innovating. Own it. More importantly, “Lobstitution” is a horrendous pun on the word “Constitution,” for which we award no points.

But this isn’t about poetry. This is about sweet, sweet crustaceous meat. And Pauli’s makes some decent lobster rolls. And probably they have customers who order of them. And probably those customers can now order just the one. So, enjoy your $50 meal probable Pauli’s customer. We’ll take regular $14.99 version, though.