Red Sox Fan Attempts to Strangle Tampa Bay Mascot
As if his team’s consistent victories over the Tampa Bay Rays weren’t punishment enough, a Needham man decided Tuesday to take the Rays-Red Sox rivalry into his own hands.
According to the Tampa Bay Times, a paper for whom strange crime stories are a real forte, Trevor James Martin of Needham was arrested at Tropicana Field Tuesday night after police say he twice reached across the stadium railing to grab Raymond, the blue, furry Tampa Bay mascot, by the neck. Both times, Ray had “to push off of the defendant in order to break loose,” according to the police report.
At this point you’re likely asking: Does Raymond even have a neck? Isn’t he a ray?* And if so, why does he have hands? And that gnarly mustache? Probably these are questions that were racing through Martin’s mind as he decided to investigate. That, or he was drunk.
Martin, who told police he consumed two beers at the stadium (uh huh) was “staggering, slurring his words and smelled of alcohol.” Good natured Raymond didn’t press charges. (Do rays have legal standing in U.S. courts?) So for now, Martin faces a disorderly intoxication charge. America’s pasttime at its best!
*No he is not. According to the Rays website, Raymond’s “animal-like appearance causes confusion among fans of all ages,” but, they clarify, “Raymond is actually a previously undiscovered species of dog known as ‘Canus Manta Whatthefluffalus’ or in layman’s terms, a Seadog.” … Or in actual layman’s terms … something they just made up because a ray mascot would be lame.