All the Bad Dad Jokes Made About the Recently Captured Dunkin’ Donuts Robber

These guys think they're pretty Coolata.


Booking photo of Isaiah Murphy via Canton Police

Canton Police announced that they arrested a Dedham man in connection with more than 20 armed robberies at Dunkin’ Donuts shops around Boston. Police believe that Isaiah Murphy was once a Dunkin’ employee, and though he didn’t get much from any one stick up, the sum of his crimes added up to a “substantial” haul. Boston greeted this news with relief—the world has been made safe for munchkin consumption once again, as well as triumph at the resilience of a business that represents Boston*, and, of course, amusement that he was so committed to robbing the same corporate franchise over and over again. On that note, here are all the terrible donut and coffee jokes made on Twitter in the wake of the arrest:

where did he stash the dough?

Police say they caught serial Dunkin’ Donuts thief. Powdered sugar on his fingers was a giveaway.”

Dunkin Donuts robber arrested? Is his story full of holes?

Will the Dunkin Donuts robber be subjected to Cruller and Unusual punishment?

Today was time to make the arrest.” (Instead of the donuts. That one’s a real stretch.)

All of these people will make great fathers, if they are not already torturing their children with “Nice to meet you, Hungry, I’m Dad!” jokes already. But none of them achieve the subtle, dry wit that is embedded in the Boston Globe tweet on this story.

*As of yet, we have seen no exclamations of “Boston Strong” in the wake of the arrest. But give it time. Give it time.