Uxbridge Police: Please Don’t Poop On Passing Trains

The Uxbridge Police Department has a message for people who want to spend their time standing on an overpass, dropping their pants and defecating on passing trains: clean up your act, or face charges for the fecal funny business.

That bizarre message was part of a Facebook post the department put up on July 8, after they received reports from P&W Railroad workers one day prior that four people were allegedly lingering on the railroad bridge above the oncoming train cars, before unloading human excrement onto the passing vehicles.

“The most recent complaint from P&W Railroad is that people are deficating [sic] off of bridges onto the trains as they pass by,” police said in a statement. “Yes, you read that right. We have no idea what would possess someone to drop their pants and poop on a passing train, but guess what, it is happening.”

According to The Telegram, cleaning off the vehicles is not only expensive and time-consuming, but it’s also disgusting. “It creates a health and safety issue for our employees,” a railroad manager told the website. The manager said this type of thing has happened more than once (making it a number two).

But police won’t stand for anymore of it, and threatened anyone caught in the area taking part in the poopy pastime that they would be punished for their preposterous behavior.

“Take this as a warning,” police said, adding that they have also had complaints about individuals placing spray-paint cans on the tracks, hoping to watch them get crushed by the trains. “If you are caught on the rail road tracks you will be arrested for trespassing, if you are caught ‘tagging’ ANY property you will be arrested, if we catch you with your pants down deficating [sic] on the train you will be charged with everything we can find that fits the elements to the crime.”