New England Wins Super Bowl XLIX, Remains Title Town

See ya, haters.

Associated Press

Associated Press

What, you really had a doubt? In spite of some highs and lows this season—not to mention those first three quarters—the New England Patriots are once again “world” champions, taking the Super Bowl XLIX championship title and confirming every bit of confidence we ever had that Boston is, in fact, the most essential title town. As if we ever lost faith.

Cue the duck boats, as Mayor Marty Walsh said after the game.

To briefly recap the less crucial (and, frankly, not Brady’s finest) moments, our QB threw an interception in the first quarter, and Twitter was then swarmed with irrelevant Deflategate comments, but the quarter ended scoreless. Seattle cornerback Jeremy Lane suffered a severe arm injury (gruesome photo right this way), and Bob Kraft was basically everyone at home:

The second half ended tied at 14-14. And Katy Perry’s halftime performance was elaborate, flashy, and everything you’d expect out of a pop star second best to Taylor Swift. She was basically Will Ferrell in Blades of Glory, Aladdin, and giant beach ball all in one. If you missed it, watch the full performance below:

The third quarter had everyone squeamish when Brady threw a second interception. The Seahawks had a 10-point lead by the end, but the Patriots came back in the fourth with a Danny Amendola touchdown putting the score at 21-24. Edelman then scored again, taking a 28-24 lead.

The final two minutes of the game was when it all went down—and probably the only action you’ll need to know at the water cooler tomorrow morning.

It started off when the Seahawks had an unbelievable catch that was lucky as hell:

Then Malcolm Butler came out as the hero of the game, intercepting the ball at the most angelic of moments:

And Brady was all:

And Richard Sherman was all:

And then a fight broke out. Here’s Gronk with the right hook:


And so, the Patriots took home the trophy with a final 28-24 score. “It’s tough to win it once. That’s the hard part. Winning twice doesn’t happen (anymore),” Tom Brady said, covered in sweat and confetti.

Thankfuly, here in New England, we can all go to bed now feeling more like Steven Tyler:

We’re all Patriots this season, New England. But tonight, this guy is the real winner: