Welcome to Boston’s Urban Turkey Armageddon

Save yourselves!

There’s a turkey on the loose in Cambridge! Watch out people!

A photo posted by Andy Mounter (@beatleandy) on

We are sorry to report that the end of the world seems to be near. It appears that vicious beasts of the rural land known to be called turkeys are pillaging through the inner-city streets, imposing on the essential happenings of human mortals. So far, people have witnessed turkeys doing outrageous things like standing on walls, standing on sidewalks, and standing on grass. All eyewitnesses and/or victims of said still-standing creatures remain unharmed.

We kid, of course. While it is somewhat normal to have perhaps one or two turkey sightings in urban areas this time of year (like last year, this turkey on top of a car has zero chill), the plethora of birds lingering around busy streets and downtown areas right now are almost alarming.

“They get really up close to you, too,” one Brookline resident said. “One had me almost cornered, it was really uncomfortable.”

According to Cornell’s Lab of Ornithology, wild turkeys are known to live in mature forests, particularly ones with fields. They’ll appear in backyards around the suburbs, but as their natural habitats continue to shrink, they’ll graze the cities.

Mass.gov has basic do’s and don’ts about wild turkeys, including no feeding, no engaging, no touching. And also, please don’t sell the wild turkeys because obviously.