Which Movie Villain Does Bill Belichick Most Resemble?
The Patriots team Twitter account shared an image today of the coach showing off his Superbowl rings along with the hashtag #LordoftheRings.
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) April 24, 2015
This raises a hugely important, often-debated question: Which movie villain does Bill Belichick most resemble? Herewith, an investigation.
Villain #1: Sauron, Lord of the Rings
Similarities: As hinted at on the Patriots’ Instagram, Belichick shares with Sauron a bloodthirsty lust for rings. Like Sauron, each football season, Belichick “is seeking it, seeking it, and all his thought is bent on it,” to quote Gandalf. Physically, too, the glare of Sauron’s eye closely resembles the withering stares Belichick reserves for reporters who ask him about Tim Tebow.
Differences: Sauron is kind of a one-ring guy, whereas Belichick is never satisfied with his last Superbowl win. Belichick also takes a pretty recognizable human form, where Sauron’s physical appearance is a little more mysterious.
Ruling: Not a bad comparison, but maybe we can do better.
Villain #2: Commodus, Gladiator
Similarities: During his appearance at the White House this week, Belichick responded to a pretty weaksauce Deflategate joke from President Obama with an official ruling of “thumbs-down.” This, of course, evoked the life-or-death gestures of Emperor Commodus, played by Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator.
“That joke must die, Mr. President.”
Differences: Commodus is not really a villain worthy of Belichick. He’s whiney. He kills his dad when he doesn’t get what he wants. Russell Crowe beats him up while bleeding out from a stab wound.
Ruling: Unless Belichick makes these thumbs-up/thumbs-down gestures a habit or starts losing games to injured competitors, don’t expect this comparison to stick.
Villain #3: Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars
Similarities: Commodus isn’t the first or only emperor to whom Belichick has been compared. This meme, bouncing around the internet for years now, is the classic Belichick-as-film-villain comparison, and it comes mainly as a result of Belichick’s preferred wardrobe: a hooded sweatshirt and a scowl that says, “Now, young Russell Wilson, you will die.” Plus, Belichick can throw a challenge flag like its a bolt of dark Force lightning.
Differences: Let’s give Belichick a little credit and say he doesn’t look 800 years old. Also, ideally his surrogates won’t turn on him like Darth Vader did.
Ruling: Evil sith lord or not, there’s a power and gravitas to Palpatine that does honor to Belichick. This one’s a classic for a reason, guys.