Gronk’s Booze Cruise to ‘Gronk’s Island’ Is All Sorts of Ridiculous

Sail to the Patriots man-child's private island in the Bahamas with Waka Flocka Flame, Sammy Adams, and copious amounts of alcohol.

Patriots tight-end Rob Gronkowski is trading in his party bus for a mode of transportation a little more modest and understated: a 965-foot, booze-filled, EDM-blasting party ship bound for a private island in the Bahamas.

“It’s time to PARTY, it’s time to ROCK, but more importantly, it’s time to get GRONK’D!” Gronk’s Party Ship‘s site reads, emphasis theirs. “Rob Gronkowski and his family want you to grab your sunnies, your swimsuits, your babes and your bros for one hell of a shindig sailing down the coast. It’s time to go big or go home ’cause we’re throwing the three-day party you’ve always dreamed of.”

This fist-pumping voyage from Miami to “Gronk’s Island”—formerly known as Great Stirrup Cay before its green apple Pucker rechristening—will set sail February 19-22, 2016. One round-trip ticket includes:

  • A picture with Gronk.
  • One autographed, commemorative Gronk item.
  • A Q&A session with the Gronkowski family.
  • Use of the ship’s pool, hot tubs, health and fitness center, four-lane bowling alley, rock-climbing wall, and video arcade.
  • “Gourmet fare” and non-carbonated beverages.
  • A youth program, in case you decide to bring your child aboard Rob Gronkowski’s booze-filled, EDM-blasting party boat.

“If this doesn’t sound Gronk’d enough for you, then you’re not ready to party with the big dogs,” the site says. Musical entertainment will be provided by Waka Flocka Flame, Sammy Adams, 3Lau, Brooke Evers, and Dante, with more artists to be announced.

To join this nautical bacchanal of scalawags and Red Bull-vodkas, you must first fork over $225 in taxes and fees on top of whatever you pay for a room. And would you look at these rates:

One can only imagine what goes down in the “Penthouse Romance Suite.”