Shirtless Rob Gronkowski and His Abs Star in Nike’s Absurd ‘Snow Day’ Ad

Cameos by former Boston College star Luke Kuechly, USWNT star Carli Lloyd, and many, many more.

Given Rob Gronkowski’s status as New England’s preeminent man-child, it’s unsurprising Nike chose him as the star of their new ad, titled “Snow Day.”

Gronk—shirtless, as is his wont—wakes up in a bed too small for his 6-foot-6 frame, and though snowflakes rush in through his cracked window, the Patriots tight-end only confirms it’s a snow day upon putting his head through aforementioned window.

Once outside, Gronkowski finds himself on the receiving end of a snowball thrown by Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh. Accepting the challenge, he meets up with LeSean up with Carolina Panthers linebacker and Boston College alum Luke Kuechly, who lobs a barbell into the densely populated residential area. New York Giants wide-receiver Odell Beckham, Jr. catches it in spectacular fashion.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger obliterates some poor family’s mailbox and proceeds to deliver the most menacing dad-smile ever recorded. “Good luck getting this month’s Hammacher Schlemmer, chumps.”

Team Gronkowski come upon some vacant field and meet Team Suh, which counts among its ranks USWNT star Carli Lloyd and Tampa Bay Lightning center Steven Stamkos, who lay dormant in a pile snow for who-kn0ws-how-long prior to everyone’s arrival.

“Touch?” Gronk asks.

“Tackle,” Suh replies, as he is a rugged man who enjoys rugged things.

It should also be noted that the entire two-minute spot is set to James Brown and Tupac’s posthumous collaboration “Unchained,” most notably used in the trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained.