Watch Bruins Fans Fight Over Doing a Somersault on the MBTA

'I don't want to somersault on the dirty subway.'

The latest bit of buffoonery making the rounds on the internet this Friday afternoon with no apparent tie to the Republican presidential primary is the above video, uploaded today by Eric Perry, of two Bruins fans coming to blows on the MBTA over a somersault and a jacket. Though just under two minutes long, there is much to unpack. Let’s try to make some sense of this.

The video begins with a short, bearded man in a Michael Ryder Bruins third jersey (Bro 1) confronting a much taller man in a yellow shirt and Timberlands (Bro 2) over holding a beer in one hand and a jacket in the other. Bro 1 says he can chug the beer before Bro 2 does a somersault, and Bro 2 obliges him. But just as Bro 1 appears to ready himself for said chug, he returns the beer can, which appears to spill on Bro 2’s jacket and fall to the ground, empty.

“I’m not going to do it, because I don’t do somersaults on trains,” Bro 2 says.

“Well, you called me out, so it’s your turn,” Bro 1 counters. “You called me out, and now you’re not standing up. [unintelligible] You won’t because you’re afraid.”

“I don’t want to somersault on the dirty subway,” Bro 2 says.

The roar of the train muffles much of Bro 1’s ensuing tirade, though Bro 2 appears to grow agitated when Bro 1 starts touching his jacket. “Don’t grab my coat again,” he says.

twisted teaBro 1 touches the jacket.”I’m just saying, I like you. Don’t grab my coat again. Boy, you’ll get hurt,” cautions Bro 2. The crowd begins cheering them on.

“Well why are you standing up trying to knock me out? [unintelligible] I’ll touch your coat,” Bro 1 says, and promptly receives a hearty shove from Bro 2. At this point, what appears to be a Twisted Tea tallboy enters the right side of the frame. This could be important.

“I’ll touch your coat,” he says again. Bro 2 lands three or four slow, deliberate punches on Bro 1 while a woman offscreen yells, “John, stop!” The men are restrained and separated.

What have we learned here?

  1. Bro 2 certainly does not do somersaults on the dirty subway.
  2. Do not touch Bro 2’s jacket.
  3. The Twisted Tea was of no importance.
  4. Surge pricing for that Uber out of TD Garden is a more than worthy investment.