Watch a Flock of Birds Wreck a Chicopee Walmart’s Meat Section

Stock up on canned goods and kevlar undies and seal the blast doors on your doomsday shelter. These are indeed end times. A flock of birds in Chicopee have acquired a taste for pig flesh, and it’s only a matter of time before these things develop more refined palates and an insatiable hankering for human flesh. Even more troubling, these winged demons know where to find a bargain.

A number of birds—MassLive reports “nearly 20,” WGN in Chicago says “about 17”; which is it, lamestream media?—were filmed laying waste to a shelf of $3.57/pound pork tenderloin at the Walmart in Chicopee.

“This is disgusting! I will never buy food from there ever again,” Rhonda J. Kitchen, who shot the above video, posted on Facebook. “I feel like the Board of Health should be notified. After the employee who came to collect the meat they were eating walked away, the birds came right back. The employees did nothing.”

We can only assume the meat birds, which bear a striking resemblance to the ubiquitous European starling, have also developed some sort of telepathy, weaving these poor, defenseless Walmart employees into their sick web of lies and other white meat.

MassLive reports the Chicopee Health Department removed the pork wraiths and brought their real-life game of Angry Birds to an abrupt end.

Fools. You think this is over? Meat birds are easily startled, but they will soon be back, and in greater numbers. Hitchcock tried to warn us about this sort of thing. James Franco too. But we pushed ahead, breeding budgies by the bushel as pets with reckless abandon. We brought this upon ourselves. Farewell, friends.