Two Boston Singles Gripe About Hookup Culture
On the Convenience of Swipe-to-Hook-Up Apps
Guys don’t even try to pick you up at a bar anymore. They’ll stare at you the whole time, then go to the bathroom and check Tinder.
If I were to give advice to the girls in this Tinder swipe-right kind of scene, it would be: Hey, if a guy likes you, he will put the time and effort into it.
On the Too-Much-Too-Soon Relationship
There’s the other extreme, when guys are so down on themselves, they want to skin and wear you. As in, we met five minutes ago and now we’re talking about my uterus.
Clearly the normal guys have their pick of the litter. What’s the incentive for them to settle down when, by the mere fact that they’re not freaks, they’re scoring?
On Who Has Control
Guys definitely have the upper hand. Dating is very sexist. It’s very self-centered.
When I date, I want to do something that’s fun for me and I hope for her. How is that sexist?
On Creepy Come-Ons
One guy online seemed normal for two days, and then he writes out of nowhere: “You’re gonna be my little MILF—if you’re lucky. You’re gonna be begging for it.”
It’s a product of being anonymous. That guy probably does get hits. If we’re trying to decipher relationships on the spectrum of creepy to normal, we’re going to be here all night.
On First-Date Expectations
The reality is, every guy wants to get laid. But I don’t understand this whole casual, random sex thing.
Guys who can have sex will have sex, because there are other girls more than willing to put out on a first date.
On Wooing Tactics
The men in Boston don’t know how to court or charm a girl. If I have to hear one more fucking story about a man’s gym routine I’m going to light my body on fire.
No guy I know would be like, “Hey, I’m gonna hit the biceps today.” Never done that once. You know what I do use, actually, is my dog. Because my dog is super cute.
On the Most Frustrating Thing About the Opposite Sex
Guys in their thirties are on the cusp of “I want to be a bachelor, but I want to settle down.” They still want to be Peter Pan, but then they meet a girl they can see something with, and they move really fast.
Women say one thing and mean another. They say they want a nice guy, but when they meet a nice guy who’s treating them well, they say, “Oh, I’m bored. I don’t feel the chemistry. He’s not a good kisser.”
On the Last Time They Had Sex
Um. July. I’m not a prude. I just don’t want to be touched or make out with someone I have no connection with.
Jesus. That long? July? Me—uh, two weeks ago. Someone I was sort of seeing. I’m a hyper-sexual person. When I date a girl, it’s a five-times-a-day-for-weeks kind of thing.
Some Interesting Stats About This Conversation
Number of spurned former suitors at the bar who interrupted the interview to make awkward small talk with Cheryl.
Approximate number of insults uttered (not necessarily at each other) during this meet-up, including but not limited to: dickhead, arrogant, train wreck, and douchebag.
Approximate number of times Rick told Cheryl that he’s not out to get in a girl’s pants on a first date.
Number of times Rick says he made out with Cheryl after the interview.
Number of times Cheryl says she made out with Rick after the interview.
Number of photos Cheryl took of Rick allegedly passed out at the bar after 1 a.m.
* Names with asterisks have been changed for privacy reasons.