New York Daily News Declares War on Lobster Rolls, All Things Good

You've gone too far.

Photo via iStock/GarysFRP

Photo via iStock/GarysFRP

In Friday’s edition of the tabloid, New York Daily News columnist Gersh Kuntzman has compiled a list of summer foods that he, in his infinite wisdom, has deemed overrated. Alongside such universal joys as lemonade, watermelon, avocados, and popsicles, was the lobster roll.

This, of course, is a wharf too far.

“Fortunately, most chefs have abandoned the overly fancy ‘truffle’ lobster roll trend from a few years ago, but even a good lobster roll is almost always a disappointment,” Kuntzman wrote. “The Platonic ideal is simply hot lobster meat, still smelling of the briny ocean, with maybe a tiny bit of homemade mayonnaise in a buttered potato bun. No tarragon. No celery (kill us now!). No chives.”

Now, ol’ Gersh here isn’t all wrong. Fancy lobster rolls were as loathsome a trend as fancy ice cream novelties, fancy hot dogs, and fancy toast. (Hint: Anything you can get for $2 or less should never be served with saffron foam.) But “almost always a disappointment”? Maybe in New York it is.

Remember, the Daily News is owned by Mort Zuckerman—a Boston guy! He’s the Harvard-educated founder of Boston Properties, one of the largest real estate firms in the country, and his paper is assailing the one culinary cabochon that buoyed the city through the uninspiring decades of popovers and scrod.

And lobster rolls aren’t the only seafood dish in Kuntzman’s crosshairs—fried clams get a bum rap, too.

“Unless you’re at a top-end restaurant, a plate of fried clams is really a plate of clam necks covered in bread,” he wrote. “Yes, you Cape-goers swear by Mac’s in Wellfleet, but the rest of us aren’t getting full, rich clam bellies in a perfectly crispy shell. So why hope for the best when you can have the best: Fried oysters.”

It becomes abundantly clear what we now must do: round up all the Nathan’s Hot Dogs you can find and hurl them into the Harbor.