Five Stages of Tom Brady Grief

Photo via AP

There is no joy in Pats nation. Our team is without quarterback Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season after a federal court upheld the Deflategate suspension imposed by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. In his absence, you may find yourself progressing through the Five Stages of Brady Grief. Please understand that this is completely normal, and you aren’t alone. Here’s how to recognize the symptoms.

1. Denial

As Sunday approaches, you set your fantasy-football lineup to include No. 12 as if nothing happened.

2. Anger

“Does nobody understand the Ideal Gas Law?” you scream at your computer screen while searching for bus tickets to the NFL offices in New York City.

3. Bargaining

You repeatedly call the Patriots front office offering to connect them with your buddy’s cousin’s lawyer friend who once helped get you out of a speeding ticket.

4. Depression

On game day, you use your unwashed Brady jersey to wipe away the tears that come after every incomplete pass Jimmy Garoppolo hurls across the field.

5. Acceptance

You remember it’s only a four-game suspension and start bragging about how Brady will go 12–0 starting with a Week 5 rout of the Cleveland Browns.