The Curmudgeon’s Guide to the MBTA

Love it or hate it, you're probably stuck on it.

Ah, the T: the very bane of your Boston existence.

Whether it’s the theremin-esque bleeep-blooops announcing the doors opening on a rickety Orange Line train, the 20 stops per square foot along the Green Line’s B branch, or the eerie emptiness of a Blue Line train at a certain hour, each of the MBTA’s lines are special in their own uniquely unnerving way.

We set out to distill the essence of the T’s Red, Green, Blue, and Orange Lines while highlighting some of the curious characters you might see at rush hour, which is of course when it will occur to none of the undergrads to take off their three-ton backpack.

The next time you’re experiencing moderate delays due to a disabled train at Park Street, please enjoy this line-by-line roast of our dear, cash-strapped transportation authority.

mbta red line guide

The Red Line
Home of Metro Boston’s lamest public art.

mbta orange line guide

The Orange Line
Where everything is sepia and coughing.

mbta blue line guide

The Blue Line
Wonderland? Hardly.

mbta green line guide

The Green Line
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.