Boston Meteorologists Are Having the Absolute Time of Their Lives Right Now

It is Christmas Eve for the forecasters of Southern New England. Deck the halls!


Snow total forecast via National Weather Service | Mushroom cloud by RomoloTavani via Getty Images | Illustration by Spencer Buell

A billion inches of snow! Mwah ha ha!!!

You feel that electricity in the air? The sense of foreboding, the deliciously piquant mortal terror washing over the city of Boston with each passing moment as the BLIZZARD OF THE CENTURY draws nearer?

Isn’t it great!

What by all available evidence will be a snowstorm for the history books is careening toward us, and if you’ve somehow managed not to hear about this fact, Eric Fisher will gladly arrange for a SWAT team to smash through your living room window and describe it to you in great detail upon request.

Folks, in a word, it’s showtime. Current forecasts are calling for as many as two feet or more of snow to begin dumping atop all of our heads, not just “winter storm” but blizzard warnings abound, and by some measures it seems possible we’ll get more snow in Boston than ever in recorded history. And, needless to say, the meteorologists of Southern New England have never felt more alive.

Let’s go!

When Harvey Leonard needs an assist from the histrionics of Michael Scott, you know it’s serious.

Dave Epstein’s maps have never been more maptacular.

The opening scenes of Don’t Look Up have become reality.

As we speak, moms and dads across the Commonwealth are lamenting the life path they’ve chosen that did not result in them being professionally within eyeshot of the Chelsea salt pile at this very instant.

This checks out, I believe.

Bread and milk mode: Activated. I gotta get the bread and milk!!

Jim Cantore has been spotted. I repeat, Jim Cantore alert is in effect. Also spotted, the greatest hits of Snowpocalypse 2015:

Attention, nerds:

OK, man. Sounds cool! Or, to put things in terms you’ll actually understand: “UR ABOUT 2 GET BLOBBED UP”

Some other units of measurement to consider:

10/10 on the whopper scale.

78/78 on the Blizzard of ’78 scale!

Not since the advent of Keno has Massachusetts been beholding arrays of numbers with such rapture.

Bet you were wishing right about now that you lived with your grandma down in Flor-

Never mind.