A Night with Todd English Will Cost You ($25K, to be exact)

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The chance to savor a private dinner with this guy? Priceless. (Photo via Eater)

We’ve had plenty to say about Todd English over the years. But despite our very public breakup with the chef and restaurateur extraordinaire last spring, the man’s been keeping plenty busy, publishing a cookbook, popping in on the Early Show, and pleading with the Boston Licensing Board to please oh please grant him an extension so that he may finally reopen Olives next January.

Crazy, then, that he still has time to rub elbows with his adoring fans—if they’re willing to shell out $25,000 for the pleasure, that is. Per Eater National, Groupon is currently offering the opportunity to canoodle cook with English in a private lesson for two, dine with the chef in one of his own restaurants, spend three nights (minus English, we assume) in a posh Manhattan hotel, and receive “up to four” signed copies of Cooking in Everyday English. The sky-high price tag also includes a double-thumbed oven mitt (kinky!) and $100 in dining credit at Niles New York City Restaurant & Bar. Because, you know, if you just spent $25K on a few hours with English, you’re really watching your pennies.

Just for comparison’s sake, though, let’s take a look at what else $25K could buy:

• 62 extravagant meals for two at o ya (about $400 if you do it up right)—meaning, hypothetically, you and a pal could dine there every single night for two months.
• 2500 Jack Rose cocktails ($10 per drink) at Eastern Standard. Pace out as you like.
• 100 of the upcoming cooking classes with Lydia Shire at Towne Stove & Spirits ($250 per person), which would also include 100 lunches alongside the flame-haired chef, 100 $50 gift cards to Towne, and 100 free customized recipe booklets from the toque.
• 142 Todd English-endorsed GreenPan 1,800-watt Ultimate Sear gourmet grills ($174.95 a pop) from the Home Shopping Network.
• At least 2.5 Chopard watches, the brand of choice for English’s ex-fiancee (and violent watch- wielder) Erica Wang.
• 55 Big Rig meals ($450 each–we rounded down) at Todd English protege Tiffani Faison’s new BBQ spot Sweet Cheeks. That’s a total of 110 pounds EACH of pork belly, pulled pork, pulled chicken, and brisket, plus 55 racks of ribs, and 55 whole chickens.
• 5,555 peppermint red velvet cupcakes (complete with a mint chocolate pastry cream filling and minted cream cheese frosting) at English’s daughter Izzy’s Beacon Hill cupcake shop Izzy’s Curly Cakes.
• 19 two-night stays in Mohegan Sun’s Deluxe Cove Room (which goes for $1,298 this weekend), which would put you in wonderfully close proximity to his casino-based Italian spot, Tuscany by Todd English.
• 114 nights in a standard room (sleeps up to five) at the Walt Disney Dolphin Resort in Orlando, home to English’s restaurant BlueZoo.
• The entire wine list (112 bottles total) ORDERED TWICE ($11,950 value) at English’s NYC restaurant Ca Va.

Sounds like a killer deal to us.

–LEAH MENNIES AND DONNA GARLOUGH