Weddings

Dear Bitchless Bride: I Just Found Out That I’m Pregnant

And my wedding is next month.


Welcome to Dear Bitchless Bride, a series in which wedding planner Deborah DeFrancesco—the founder of Bitchless Bride the Podcast + Blog—offers uncensored advice on your most complicated wedding-planning woes. Have a question for Deborah? Email weddings@bostonmagazine.com.

Photo via Getty Images/Eva Foreman

Dear Bitchless Bride,

My wedding is next month, and I just found out I am pregnant. My period has always been tricky and hard to track, so I really didn’t think too much of it when I didn’t get it for a while. When my breasts started aching, I knew something was up, so I took a pregnancy test and later confirmed the news with my doctor. Turns out I am 12 weeks today. While I am excited to be pregnant, I really wish it happened after our wedding day. I hate the idea of walking down the aisle with a bump because my family is super conservative, and this will be shocking. I will be just over 16 weeks on our wedding day, and this is putting unwanted stress on me and my fiancé. How do I get through this unscathed and without being judged?

Sincerely,

Pregnant and Getting Married


Dear Pregnant and Getting Married,

First of all, congratulations! As somebody who went through IVF to have her babies, I am always stunned to hear about women getting pregnant without even trying. You have two very exciting and life-changing events taking place all at once, and while both are celebratory, they can be overwhelmingly stressful at the same time. The way I see it, you have two choices: announce your pregnancy loudly and proudly OR hide behind an A-line wedding dress, drink sparkling apple cider instead of champagne, and have a lot of questions to answer in five-ish months. It’s definitely a “pick your poison” situation, so let’s break down your options.

Announcing your pregnancy will eliminate the stress of people “finding out” your secret, but at the same time, it will send the judgy a*sholes into a tizzy. This is the route I would take, but I tend to be loud and proud on a good day, and I recognize that my choices aren’t cut out for everybody. However, I would ask you to think about who is doing the judging. Is it family? Friends? Are these people you see daily, or are they just invited to the wedding because it was the “right thing to do”? I think it is safe to assume that you have shared the news with both sets of parents and a few close friends, so if you’re worried about the rest of them, screw it! Who cares! Let them judge away! They are going to do it whether you’re pregnant or not, right? So why hold onto this and the stress? You can absolutely choose to be unscathed simply because you don’t care what they think.

The other option is to keep the news to yourselves. If this feels more natural for you, then by all means hide it. But my guess is that when you announce your pregnancy and give birth five short months later, the judgement you worried about at your wedding will be inevitable once the baby is born. It’s really a matter of when you feel like handling the haters—at the wedding or after birth. This is a tough choice and you have some thinking to do, but just remember that you have the love and strength of your sig other, close friends, and family on your side. Good luck and stay strong… for you and the baby!

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