The Beat Goes Perv Hunting

Looking for perverts on the T is like shooting fish in a barrel. The packed trains, iPod-toting coeds, and jerky movements of the cars makes it prime territory for creepy guys to prey on women. And like a shark follows a trail of chum, the Herald decided to tag along with the MBTA’s dedicated team of undercover officers whose mission it is to blast these fish out of the water.

Needless to say, we were breathless with anticipation.

Jessica Van Sack paraded around the T platforms with an undercover “grope patrol” officer Andrea Purcell (no relation to Herald owner Pat Purcell, we’re assuming) to see if they could nab some pervs.

“You have to play naive,” said Purcell, the perfect bait in her short, sassy skirt. “If they know you realize what they’re doing, they’ll move on to someone else.”

Van Sack doesn’t mention the “short, sassy” skirt is a denim number paired with tall Uggs and a gigantic Coach purse. While the columnist looks slightly out of place in her bright pink silk shirt and too-long slacks, Purcell couldn’t look more like a BU freshman if she flashed a student ID.

Even without a costume, the reporter had an experience with a creep.

I had a close encounter of the perv kind.

Way scarier than aliens, wouldn’t you agree?

Detective Brian Harer, in plain clothes and standing a few feet away, saw the man let train after train pass, his eyes fixed on Purcell and me.

“Then he came right up to you and started talking,” Sgt. Detective Michael F. Adamson, the other member of our undercover team, explained later. “He stood there watching us and then when we boarded the train he got on as well. He was staring at you. Something must’ve spooked him because he got off at Arlington.”

Of course, the Herald has some helpful tips on how you can avoid Van Sack’s fate. It doesn’t mention not wearing Uggs and a short skirt, but it does offer this advice.

Any DNA left behind on clothing or T property could become forensic evidence, so save any samples.

Hey, we grew up in the 90s. No need to tell us about the importance of saving any “genetic material” that ends up on our clothes.