Come, Let’s Look at Tom Brady’s Huge House Together and Weep

Image Credit: ROGER DAVIES FOR ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST

You’ve read about it. You’ve seen the overhead photos of its absurdly sprawling exterior. You’ve likely lain awake at night rabid with wonder at what lies within. (Okay, hopefully you haven’t done that.) But sleep easy tonight, because Architectural Digest has published a slideshow showing the interior of Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady’s new home small nation in Brentwood, California.

Yes, yes, click through the photos, try not to feel like a schmuck returning to your own modest abode tonight, and definitely try not to guffaw yourself to death at Gisele’s quote that, “From the beginning we asked everyone involved in the design and construction, ‘How can we make it as sustainable as possible?’”  …. !!!!!!!!!! Hahaha. Did any one of the people consulted say, “Um, let’s scrap this project and get you a nice penthouse apartment? Or maybe cut out one of the 18,000 cars in your driveway?” Sure, they’ve got solar panels powering the thing, and gray-water technology for irrigation, etc. But come on. You simply cannot build a 22,000 square foot stone castle of entirely sustainable, recycled material.

The pair hired architect Richard Landry and interior designer Joan Behnke because Tom likes “team dynamics,” according to AD. Sure, to our eyes, the exterior looks sort of like an Epcot tour of, like, four incongruent French architectural styles in one. (Think Beauty’s cottage meeting Beast’s castle.) But click through the slideshow and try to tell us you wouldn’t want that home gym. (Think that’s a tax writeoff?) Ugh. Admit it. If you saw this house walking down the street, you’d give it an up-and-down like this: