Chuck Norris is No Match for Mitt Romney

Every time we read the newspaper or watch a newscast, we’re reminded of how completely insane this presidential election has become. Instead of anointing a nominee shortly after the New Hampshire primaries, we’ve got a wide-open race heading into South Carolina, Nevada, and The Tuesday to End All Tuesdays on February 5.

And there’s a front-page story in the Globe about how Chuck Norris is affecting the race.

If you’d told us six months ago that Walker, Texas Ranger would have an impact on a presidential primary, we would demanded some of what you were smoking. We would probably have had you committed if you told us about Norris’ vendetta against former governor Mitt Romney.

“I don’t like him,” Norris said. “I just don’t feel that Romney is speaking the truth. He speaks whatever he thinks people want to hear. . . .”

Listen up, Chuck. We don’t care if you’ve counted to infinity twice or how many fists you have behind your beard—you are powerless against Willard Mitt Romney. Whether it’s bullets or fists, he’s got the one thing that can stop you.

His hair.

It’s like a forcefield around his handsome head. Go ahead and try to roundhouse kick him. Your leg will be deflected off that perfect coif. Our former governor fears nothing. Which is the only explanation of how he continued on after losing Iowa and New Hampshire.