The Butterfly-Laced Return of

1203521061A friend of mine once told me that when she’s feeling really low she loads up to remind herself that while she may have her problems, at least she doesn’t design some of the world’s ugliest denim jackets. I found that it was a useful way to boost my self-esteem, and was disappointed to read that the gossip columnists from our favorite tabloid had gotten the site shut down after Roger Clemens’ disastrous testimony on Capitol Hill.

The column proudly crowed that the Herald “[got] action.” But it was fleeting, because the saddest site on the internet is up and running once more.

It doesn’t look like much has changed on since it went dark late last week. A message from Mrs. Clemens about the apprehension she faced before her now-controversial Sports Illustrated photo shoot makes no mention of her use of HGH.

Roger came to me one day and told me that we had been asked to do a photo shoot for Sports Illustrated. I had major anxiety! I was a 39-year-old mother of 4! Once I realized that this WAS going to be a reality, I decided I had to give it everything I had.

You said we should check back for “frequent updates,” Debbie. We need your wisdom now more than ever! How are we supposed to achieve that scary bodybuilder physique we so desperately crave?