Rockefeller Held Without Bail

Clark Rockefeller is now back in Massachusetts, facing a slew of charges stemming from the alleged abduction of his daughter. His arraignment inspired perhaps the best breaking news bulletin ever.

Clark Rockefeller, the father accused of kidnapping his 7-year-old daughter, has been ordered held without bail as authorities continue to try to figure out exactly who he is.

Remember how the media frenzy during the Neil Entwistle trial left us cold? We’re not going to have that problem with the Rockefeller proceedings.

Rockefeller has hired attorney Stephen Hrones, who says he knows the identity of the con man. Finally, somebody has some answers!

“He’s Clark Rockefeller,” [Hrones] said. “He tells me he’s Clark Rockefeller.”

OK then.

Investigators say they still don’t have any clue who this guy is. The Globe reports that Rockefeller’s fingerprints may have matched those of someone wanted in connection with a murder in California, but Hrones maintains those reports are “garbage.”

We feel like we’re watching an episode of The X-Files. The truth is out there! Trust no one!