Have We Reached the Bottom of Crockefeller?

We’ve been dashing into the office every day this week, breathlessly anticipating the latest Clark Rockefeller-related stroke of genius on the cover of the Herald. While nothing has come quite as close to the genius that is the tabloid’s Crockefeller treatment (Adam Reilly sums up its brilliance nicely), we keep hoping the press will find yet another pun-friendly identity in the alleged kidnapper’s history.

You can imagine our disappointment when we saw a grainy surveillance image of John Buonomo hunched over a copy machine on the Herald’s front page.

Have we really reached the last of all Clark Rockefeller’s identities?*

There are a couple of new, not quite cover-worthy developments. The Herald and Globe both report that authorities suspect Rockefeller may be Christian Gerhartsreiter of Siegsdorf, Germany. The tabloid publishes the Rockefeller/Gerhartsreiter (Rockreiter?) report card, which reports he is “interested in many facets of life.”

If the German is Rockefeller, he may have been interested in many facets of life, but he wasn’t good at any of them. The Globe finds that Rockefeller sucked at the job he had under one of his aliases.

One former colleague [of suspected Rockefeller alias Christopher Crowe] at Nikko Securities International, Richard Barnett, said bluntly: “The man knew very little about corporate bonds.”

“He was a sales manager and never made a sale, so eventually he was fired,” said Barnett. “He just didn’t do anything.”

Please let there be another Rockefeller identity left to find. This is just too much fun.

*Just as we finished writing this, we saw that Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter has a brother, who identified Rockefeller as his long-lost sibling. Hooray.

Image from BostonHerald.com