Screw Ray Allen

Well, Ray Allen is gone. If you want to read something intelligent about it, try this. But for the moment, I’m more interested in all the folks out there telling me how I’m supposed to react as a fan to Allen’s departure. The consensus seems to be that I’m supposed to thank him for five good years with the Celtics and the championship he helped bring here. I’m also supposed to acknowledge that, considering he was nearly traded and then benched from the starting lineup, he was no less loyal to the Celtics than they were to him.

Fine, yeah, whatever. But you know what’s really going to stink next year: watching Ray Allen bury three after three for the Celtics’ chief Eastern Conference rival, not to mention one of the most odious teams ever assembled (that would be the Heat). From everything I’ve read, Allen had a long list of reasons for choosing Miami over Boston, but nowhere in there did he consider how he might be sticking it to Boston fans. In fact, Yahoo Sports’ Adrian Wojnarowski reported that Allen believes that, between his time at UConn and his successful run with the Celtics, the good people of New England would always consider him favorably.

Ray, a moment please. First, Connecticut is not Boston. It’s barely New England. Personally, I consider it a blight on the region. It’s a place for Wall Street bankers, Yankees fans, and all other things bland and objectionable. It’s the only state in New England without any sort of identifying culture, although that might be for the better, since I’m sure that if Connecticut had a culture, it would be awful. The highlight of 2010 for me was when Discover New England, a tourism website, officially removed the state from the region (alas, the Nutmeggers were allowed back in).

Within that sweater-vested wasteland exists UConn, home to a basketball team that all right-thinking Bostonians like even less than Connecticut itself. Putting aside Jim Calhoun’s sleeziness, there’s the simple fact that most people here have allegiance to UConn’s old Big East rival, Boston College (or, back when Allen was in school, Marcus Camby’s dynamite UMass teams). So yeah, playing well for UConn is not a point for.

Please don’t confuse what I’m saying. I don’t think Ray Allen had any obligation to consider how his decision over where to earn a living might affect how much people in New England (excluding Connecticut, of course) enjoy consuming NBA basketball next season. There are no issues of “loyalty” or “disloyalty” here. My only point is, thanks to Ray Allen, my experience as a Celtics fan will now be worse. And if he didn’t consider us, why should we consider him?

So you can go ahead and thank him for five good years all you want. I just hope he sucks next year.