Let’s All Try to Figure Out What Bruins Defenseman Kevan Miller Is Doing Here

Did he forget how to hockey?

The Washington Capitals handed the Bruins their first road loss of the season Thursday night. And while the B’s finally gave us real, tangible evidence of their ability to score on goaltender Braden Holtby—something they hadn’t done since the 2013-14 season—there were still lowlights a-plenty, as we’ve come to expect from this year’s squad.

In the second period, Boston found themselves fending off a 5-on-3 power play after Jimmy Hayes and Brad Marchand headed to the box on slashing and roughing calls, respectively. About a minute in, Natick-born defenseman John Carlson buried a cross-ice pass from Nicklas Backstrom to pad Washington’s lead, 3-1.

Sixteen hours later, and I still have zero idea what Miller, playing in his 100th National Hockey League game, was going for here. It’s almost hypnotic.


What are you doing, Kevan? Why are you crawling threateningly toward one of the league’s most dangerous centers? Don’t you realize there’s already a man in the goalie crease, called a “goalie” by most industry experts, who’s paid handsomely to do whatever you’re trying to do, but much, much better? And with big, cushy equipment designed for that sort of thing?


This just isn’t helpful, Kevan. You’re marginally faster on your skates than you are on your knees. You should know this.

Kevan Miller

Kevan. Please.

With Karl Alzner’s empty-netter, Holtby improved to 8-2-0 in 10 career appearances against the Bruins. Thanks to three shutouts versus Boston last season, Holtby’s shutout streak against the B’s reached 199:30 before allowing a first-period goal by Dorchester’s Jimmy Hayes, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.