How to Sneak Into Fenway Park

It was the third inning of Game 2 of the 2007 World Series, and we were sitting in my buddy’s apartment on Beacon Street. We’d both had about three forties and I bet him we could get into the game. His girlfriend was like, “You’re retarded.” But I was in town to audition for this movie, Spring Break ’83; I remembered one of the producers telling me that during the ’04 series he bribed ushers $200 to let him in. So my buddy and I walked over to Fenway. We were working the ushers, talking to them, offering them cash. They just weren’t having it.

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We were on Lansdowne Street by that point, right up by the Cask, close to gate E. And we saw an opaque glass door facing out toward the street. Some people were walking out the door. We didn’t hesitate—we immediately walked in. Now we’re in the middle of some room where people were having a formal party. Everyone was dressed up, wearing suits and dresses and watching the game on television. We’re dressed like scrubs, so they all started looking suspiciously at us, but we just kept focused and walked through the party, and came out into the stadium on the third base side. That part was all very surreal.

My buddy just figured we would walk around the stadium the whole time—it wasn’t like they were playing the Expos. But I saw two people looking sick, or what I assumed was looking sick; I was pretty hammered. They had left their seats on the third base side. Sure enough, we walked down and there were two seats, eight rows up on the third base line. So an inning ago we were drunk on his couch in Back Bay, and all of a sudden we’re eight rows up watching Schilling pitch.

The best part was the next morning. I was massively hungover and auditioning at the Hyatt in Cambridge in front of Morgan Fairchild and Joe Piscopo. Piscopo is a huge Yankees fan. I told him the story and Piscopo said, “To be honest, kid, your audition was crappy, but because that story was so good, I’m going to send you through.” I didn’t get the part, but Joe Piscopo dug the story, which is fairly redeeming.