The Perv Paper

In the February issue of Boston magazine (on newsstands today!), Joe Keohane writes that we should not delight in the imminent demise of the Herald. Not only does the presence of a second paper keep the Globe on its game, but what other publication can take the news that crime on the MBTA is down and turn it into a sordid tale of petty theft and perverts?

The Metro writers aren’t creative enough to make us let out an “ew, gross” while reading a story. But Jessica Heslam’s piece on the high number of crimes on the Red Line made us shriek in disgust. Here’s the money shot (sorry, couldn’t help ourselves):

After boarding a crowded train at Park Street at 5:15 one evening, a young woman felt a man “cupping and rubbing” her bottom. When she asked him to stop, he explained he was reaching for the pole. While walking home, she discovered that he had masturbated on the back of her pants.

How can we live in a city without these gory details? How can we live in a city without a paper that gets quotes like this?

“We want to put a stop to this. Working women are targets going to and from work,” said Lisa Edwards, an advocate for the T Riders Union. “The trains are so packed they don’t know who is going to go through their pocketbook or rub their butt.”

We can only imagine how great women felt while reading this story on the Red Line. Any guy who gets within a foot of us on our ride home tonight is getting smacked with the Herald. Yet another reason why we hope the paper never goes away — it’s good for self defense.