Croc Attack!

These monstrosities are coming to Fenway, folks. Soon, you will soon be able to buy licensed (ugh) Red Sox Crocs to announce your love of baseball and ugly footwear at the same time. It’s perfect for those who may not be stylish, but are certainly efficient.

In an email to our editor, a PR person writes:

You’ve seen ’em in the mall, at the beach, on the playground, and everywhere in between…and soon, you’ll be seeing them at Fenway. Crocs! No, not the reptile…the shoe!

Thanks for clearing that up.

However, we’d advocate for a time (perhaps during “Sweet Caroline”) that an actual crocodile is brought out to the field in a portable tank. An adult who actually paid $34.99 for and wears these God-awful shoes is picked at random to be brought into the tank and must then escape the maw of the hungry reptile. It would discourage people from buying ugly shoes and would undoubtedly prove entertaining for both spectators and the Boston Nine alike.

First it’s the Croc, then it’s Jibbitz with player numbers and twee baseballs and bats. Just say no, Boston. Leave that crap for the “classy” Yankees.