Sports Heiress Pulls a Goldklank


1214923227This weekend, I started my day as I usually do—flipping on Channel 7’s morning newscast to provide background noise as I read my newspaper. But I put down the paper when I heard the anchors reading a story about the arrest of Jacqueline Kent Cooke, the daughter of the late Washington Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke.

I’ve got to give it up to the professionals at WHDH. Somehow, they managed to get through the entire piece without once adding in a “Goldklank!” disguised as a cough. Because there are a lot of similarities between Cooke’s arrest and that of former Channel 7 GM Randi Goldklank.

WHDH’s website doesn’t have a clip, but a Boston Daily tipster helpfully provided us with a script.

A BILLIONAIRE HEIRESS IS ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING AFTER POLICE SAY SHE LEFT A LOCAL DINER WITHOUT PAYING HER BILL.

20-YEAR OLD JACQUELINE KENT COOK IS THE DAUGHTER OF THE LATE WASHINGTON REDSKINS OWNER AND BILLIONAIRE JACK KENT COOKE.

ACCORDING TO POLICE SHE CALLED THEM NAMES AND ASKED THEM “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Goldklank! Ahem. The pollen this year is killer, isn’t it?

COOKE WAS SEEN LEAVING THE SOUTH STREET DINER SHORTLY AFTER 5 AM FRIDAY MORNING.

SHE WAS FOLLOWED OUT BY A WAITRESS WHO SAID THE 20-YEAR OLD AND HER FRIEND DIDN’T PAY THEIR BILL.

COOKED PLEADED NOT GUILTY IN COURT YESTERDAY TO DRUNK DRIVING CHARGES.

The WHDH report leads viewers to recall the Goldklank incident even more than the Boston Police department’s report, which claims Cooke asked officers if they knew who her father was, not her.

During the booking process, Ms. Cooke asked the officers if they knew who her father was. Ms. Cooke stated her father was the late Jack Kent Cooke (former owner of the Washington Redskins). The suspect then stated, because of whom her father was, officers would lose their badges because, “one billion dollars goes a long way.”

Cough Goldklank! Cough.

Even the Suffolk County DA is thinking it.

“I guess Jacqueline Kent Cooke is the most recent example of individuals who think themselves pretty important,” said Suffolk District Attorney Daniel F. Conley. “If you have to ask that question rhetorically, you’re probably not going to win yourself many friends in the law enforcement community.”

Zing.