Your Bronchitis Diagnosed in 15 Minutes, or It’s Free?

Until today, we’ve been fine with the idea that CVS will open MinuteClinics in its Massachusetts stores. These nurse-practitioner staffed clinics treat minor ailments for a fairly low price.

Mayor Tom Menino, meanwhile, has voiced his opposition to the MinuteClinics, calling them “unsafe.” We don’t think they’re dangerous. We just think it’s creepy that a medical office has a menu.

The state’s first MinuteClinic opened today in Medway. Since we owe our doctors payment for services rendered value convenience, we went to the CVS website to see what services the clinic offers and found this chart, which resembles a take-out menu.

We should not be tempted to stroll up to a nurse practitioner, squint at the menu above her head and say, “Yeah, I’ll take the impetigo, the Hepatitis B vaccine, and a side of ear wax removal to go, please.”

Also, some of the services we’d really want aren’t on the menu. Bay State MinuteClinics won’t do pregnancy tests or obesity screenings. How will we find out if we’re with child, or just getting fat? Don’t tell us to see our primary care doctors. We know it’s damn near impossible to find one.

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Logo from MinuteClinic website