Crimes of Fashion: Death to the Pantsuit

I’ll admit it: I have an outfit addiction. Many are the times I’ve rushed out the door, made late by my inability to leave the house feeling that not only is my ensemble coordinated, but also conveys my mood and the vibe I’m going for that day. I fully understand the difficulties of digging up a top and a bottom that match, to say nothing of accessories and shoes.

And yet.

I cannot condone the pantsuit.

I don’t mean the Hillary-Clinton-diplomatic-conference type of suit. Nor the lady-lawyer power suit. Not even, if you find yourself pulling a Lohan (excuse me – a “Lindsay”), the classic orange prison jumpsuit. No, I mean the hideous, deformed, long-pants-attached-to-a-top crack baby of a romper and Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel’s best overalls.

The formal variety is bad enough (Rihanna and Leighton Meester, I’m looking at you). But now it appears that some stores, such as Madewell, are condoning these monstrosities for everyday wear. I’m all for casual chic, but in what universe would a $200 denim onesie with belt loops and boob pockets, covered in “paint” splatters and faux dirt, be appropriate or ― more important ― even remotely flattering? On anyone? Who rolls out of bed and thinks, “Hmm, I’m really feeling ‘fashion-forward farmer’ today”? (And on a side note, how the hell do you go to the ladies’ room in these things?)

So the next time you come across a jumpsuit in a store and think, “This would save me a lot of time matching my clothes in the morning,” I urge you to back away immediately and remember that there’s another solution. It’s called a dress.