THE TREATMENT Definite Detox Body Wrap at Mandarin Oriental Spa, from $195
THE EXPERIENCE The session involves exfoliation, a lot of oil, and a massage. I zonk out and wake to soft skin and the inability to think. Maybe that’s the trick: When you’re this relaxed, you don’t care about your lumpy thighs. 766 Boylston St., Boston, 617-535-8820, mandarinoriental.com.
THE TREATMENT Power Body Detox at Exhale, $180
THE EXPERIENCE The therapist takes my measurements, dry-brushes my skin, smears me with clay, and affixes electrodes. An Ionithermie machine then makes my abs, butt, and thighs contract uncontrollably. Post-treatment measurements show I’ve lost three inches, but I’m soon back to my squishy self. 617-532-7000, exhalespa.com.
THE TREATMENT Slimming Body Wrap at Lavinia Borcau Skincare, $60
THE EXPERIENCE I stand in a paper thong while a therapist applies herbal gels to my bottom half and covers me in cling wrap. After 20 minutes, I’m unpeeled before another gel application, which alternately burns and gives me chills. When it dries, I get dressed. The only noticeable effect? My butt continues to tingle for three hours. 29 Harvard St., Brookline, 617-734-5523, laviniaborcau.com.