How to Be a Basic Bitch at Boston Calling
In a world with a plethora of unequivocal bitches–the Bad Bitch, the Boss Bitch, the Dope Bitch, the Betch—the stereotype that has taken shape as the most common music fest-goer is the Basic Bitch. Outside of her natural habitats at hip places like Starbucks, juice bars, and Equinox, she reigns as the dominating species at Lollapalooza, Coachella, and now Boston Calling, in all her perpetual cool-chick posing.
She may be a specimen of terminal opaqueness no thanks to her extraordinary ability to be super regular, but she is very identifiable amid a crowd at the capacity of Boston Calling. So, after spending Memorial Day weekend at City Hall Plaza, I—a self-identified Basic—created a brief annotated guide for the fellow few of my kind. For the non-Basics, consider this a minor look into the style and attitude of being a Basic Bitch at a music festival.
Though there are a many archetypes in the Basic Bitch’s arena, two stand out as the common ones Basics might yearn to be.
Exhibit A: Aloof Hippie Basic
The Aloof Hippie Basic might be more recognizable at music festivals in general. Much of her attire looks breezy and earthy like she just literally emerged from the inside of a blossoming sunflower, and she does not wear makeup because she is raw. She is clothed in chiffon pieces and crop tops, and the flower crown she sports looks like it was handmade by beautiful fairy maiden, but it was purchased for $60 at Free People.
She projects a type of self-awareness that the Quasi-Grunge Basic does not (more on her to come), but the Aloof Hippie Basic remains rather haughty and detached.
Though her friends will exude a similar ambiance, their behavior is not limited to getting onto each others’ shoulders and waving their arms harmoniously. Together, they will be covered in too many Flash tattoos, and will purposely mismatch silver and gold because that is what professional festival-goer Vanessa Hudgens did once.
Exhibit B: Quasi-Grunge Basic
This is the Basic Bitch’s attempt at looking prepared to face any music regardless of who or what that entails because she is unsure of the actual musical program. She has an obligatory Beyoncé t-shirt because it is a red flag for Basic-ness, and also assumes the conviction that a woman can wake up no other way than vaguely like this. The ripped jeans suggest that she might be down to experience grease and grime, but in truth, it says she frequents the sale section at Madewell. She projects an unrealistic holier-than-thou attitude, and her smiling is limited.
The Quasi-Grunge Basic rolls with a squad that only sports beer in red Solo cups. Although the Quasi-Grunge Basic prefers her Kris Jenner-esque sunnies, dollar-store wayfarers are a must because they suggest you are low-maintenance. The wrap headband is a nod to Harry Styles (again: unsure of actual musical program), and the oversized cross necklace is something Kanye would wear, so, in turn, she would wear. When asked about it, she might quote Drake by proclaiming she “prays the real live forever.”