3 Theories About the Sex Toy That Was Thrown on the Field During the Patriots/Bills Game
Photo via iStock.com/Uyen Le
A dildo was thrown onto the field during the Patriots-Bills game Sunday. This is an amazing development that must be scrutinized to the fullest extent.
Firstly, it makes sense this happened in Buffalo. Bills fans have a history of unhinged behavior, from lighting themselves on fire in the parking lot to drinking booze through a pair of butt cheeks. The question isn’t why the dildo was thrown, but rather why it took so long. It’s surprising that the drunkest fanbase in the NFL didn’t think of this sooner.
https://vine.co/v/5pwK7Z99mPJ
One of the biggest mysteries surrounding the dildo toss is how the sex toy even got into the stadium. Per NFL rules, all bags that fans bring with them to games must be clear. Everyone who walks into a stadium is supposed to be patted down as well. With those rules in mind, whoever carried the dildo inside must’ve planned out a clandestine smuggling operation. Either that, or a member of security was OK with someone bringing a dildo to a football game, which opens up an additional array of disturbing questions.
Though the dildo video went viral within minutes, little is known about the incident. Nobody has come forward to claim responsibility or even offer a first-hand account of the event. There’s a lot of guessing here, so all we can do is present a few theories:
1) This was a premeditated attack: Nobody accidentally brings a dildo anywhere—never mind a football stadium. Somebody woke up Sunday determined to throw a dildo onto the field. There are truly monsters among us.
2) Whoever threw it has a great arm: This is a point that’s getting overlooked. It’s hard to throw a dildo. It’s not exactly the most aerodynamic shape. The person who threw it must’ve unleashed a tight spiral.
The arm strength is impressive as well. This dildo came from the stands and made it all the way onto the playing field. If it had landed in the end zone or on the sidelines, the prank would’ve been mildly enjoyable. But the fact it was on the field—and had to be removed by a referee—magnifies the aura surrounding the situation.
Dildo launch from @hub_nation 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/nfL4tI9UVG
— Dillon Hayes (@Dillon_Hayes) October 30, 2016
3) Chris Hogan was targeted: The dildo was thrown in the direction of Hogan, who signed with the Patriots this offseason after spending four years in Buffalo. Considering he caught a 53-yard touchdown pass in the first quarter, a scorned Bills fan may have wanted to extract revenge.
It’s worth noting that Rob Gronkowski, who one imagines to be an authority on these matters, thinks the dildo was meant for the Bills. But Tom Brady continued his usual dominance in Buffalo Sunday, throwing for four touchdown passes in the Patriots’ 41-25 win. That kind of excellence will draw any opposing fan to the breaking point, which in this case, seems to include throwing a sex toy.
